Purgatory Bust!
by risika-dragon
Summary: V3 and V1 find a certain author alongside of the road, but the V3 and RD are killed and sent to Purgatory! Which sucks with parole officers, asrtal travel rules, and Horror Halls! COMPLETE!
1. A Taco and Driving

**Purgatory Bust! **

**Part 1: A Taco and Driving**

(starring Risika-Dragon (R-D), Visser Three, Visser One, and surprise guests)

Disclaimer: I don't own Animorphs, nor Ellie or anyone else, or any events from Visser Three's Diary or JournalSinister Shadow was gracious enough to let me borrow. Again, thank you SS for letting me use your characters to my sick, twisted purposes!

(Setting: Road trip to New York, New York)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hello, I am Esplin 9466, but you always, always, _always_ refer to me as Visser Three, the only Andalite-Controller and morph capable Yeerk in the WHOLE Universe. I don't know about the other Universes, but in this one, I rule.

AAAhhhh, life was good. _Was_. Later, everything just went fricking down hill, because of all the mistakes I and a certain dapsen (coughVisserOnecough) made. But at the moment, I was almost blissful with glee. Even with the whole I'm-with-Visser-One-ordeal.

Now you're probably thinking: who the hell is this nut job? Well, if you are, screeeew you. Let me rewind the events of the last couple days.

You see, just the week before, the Sharing was able to move onto new countries in the European continent. Now, this meant that Visser One, the so-called first pioneer to infiltrate the planet, and me, the guy who had to do all the hard work while _she_ sipped martinis in the Staleen Nebula, had done a kick ass job.

Now, how were two high-ranking Vissers to be rewarded? Yeah, you guessed it! A VACATION! To where? To New York, New York!

However, it did suck for one thing: I had to go there…with Visser One. Shoot me, will someone please pull the trigger? Hundreds of miles worth of her bitching, slapping, and no rest stops. Which meant I had to cram in the back of the mini van--ugh, I hate these damn things!--throw a blanket over me, and morph back to my own body, back to the black guy I'd acquired.

Did I forget to mention that when we reached Alabama, we were chased by ghosts? Yeah, no kidding. Their voices were muffled, but I think they were shouting something like, "Tight Tower!" or "Light Shower!" at me. Don't ask me. Humans are weird.

But anyways, we were back on the interstate, with me trying to read the map while Visser One drove the crappy car.

"Do you know where we are _yet_?" the witch hissed. Her hand got a little to close to the baseball bat she had under her seat.

"Somewhere in Pennsylvania, I think," I muttered. I scrolled through all the crooked lines scratched on the map. Who made these things? Two-year-olds? "I think it's written in French, or Spanish, or…Taxxon?"

Visser One swerved to the side, missing an incoming truck. She leaned over to my side and sighed. "You dapsen, you're reading the thing upside-down."

Oh. Well…shut up! Those things aren't written in English.

"Why don't you drive and I read the map?" she suggested. "I _am_ the top Visser for a reason, Esplin."

"What? Why do I have to drive?" I asked, raising an eyebrow. "It's because I'm black, isn't it?"

"Argghh, I'm starting to think it would've been a better idea to drag Iniss or Ellie along, at least they can read!" she yelled.

"Are you PMSing again or something…OW!" The damn bitch hit me! "Get some anger management, you--OOOOWWW!" I yelled, as Visser One continuously tried to beat me unconscious with that bat. "STOP! STOP! STOP!"

Ooooh, how I long for the day to wring her--

"WATCH OUT YOU MORON, YOU'RE GOING TO RUN SOMEONE OVER!" I screamed. "YOU'RE SWERVING OFF THE ROAD!"

Scree-EEECH!

Visser One slammed her foot on the brakes before knocking a girl maybe fifteen years old into the next galaxy. Both me and the dapsen driver gasped as the girl calmly stared at us, probably thinking, 'Whoa, what happened?' She was pale skinned, with waist length brunette hair, and gray-blue eyes, kind of cute for a moron that almost got run over by Miss She-Devil.

The girl put down her sign that said, "Will Take Off Shirt For A Taco!" and came running over to us. Miss RoadKill rammed her fist against Visser One's window and bellowed, "Where'd you learn to drive! Jersey!"

I reeled down my window and shouted, "Eh, sorry about that. The driver's usually an idiot and can barely ride a bike. Pease don't sue!"

"Yo, you're Visser One and Three," the girl exclaimed.

"Huh? I don't recognize you--" Visser One started.

"OMG, I'm one of your biggest fans!" she screamed. She ran over to the other side of the car, struck her hand into my window, grabbed my hand and shook it until it got whiplash. "I LOVE CLOSET FAN!"

"Who the Quaker are you?" I asked.

"I'm ah-ahah," she stuttered, "I'm Risika-Dragon."

"What kind of name is that?" Visser One asked skeptically.

"A cool one!" she answered. "But you can call me R-D if you want." She stared at the crumpled map in my hands. "Are you guys lost?"

Then…MISTAKE NUMBER 1.…

"Yeah, do you know the way to New York?" Visser One asked hopefully. For some reason, I just had the worst sinking feeling in my stomach, and it had nothing to do with Alloran's intestinal troubles.

"Sure, I know the way like the back of my head," R-D said eagerly. "I've been wanting to go up there again. Pennsylvania's starting to get boring."

Now, let me remind you: we were asking someone with a sign saying "Will Take Off Shirt For A Taco!" to lead us to New York. Someone who wasn't threatening to sue our asses for nearly leaving her as a smear on the pavement.

"Okay, hop in," Visser One said. How many flakies did she have today!

"Thank you, gracious, et merci," she said, hopping through the window--I repeat, _hopping_ through _my_ window--like a Nascar driver and landing on my lap. "Hehehe, you're soft," she chuckled, then scooted between me and Psycho Driver. "Cool, I get to be with my favorite two Vissers, get a free ride, and go to New York!" Obviously, her parents had never taught her to stay _away_ from strangers.

"So, what's with the sign?" I asked, trying to get comfortable in my seat after the asylum escapee threw herself onto me.

"Huh?" she glanced dismissively at the cardboard left on the side of the road. "Oh, I figured some retards would stop if they saw that."

"Hey, can you drive?" Visser One asked.

MISTAKE NUMBER TWO!

R-D's lips spread into a mischievous, Chester Cat grin. "Yeah, I can drive. I'm a total pro. A top of the class kinda driver. You name the road, I cruise it."

"Okay, okay, I just wanted to know," Visser One exasperated, hand twitching inches away from the baseball bat on the floor. "So get over here and drive!" Visser One unbuckled her seat belt and crawled into the back, settling down as if she were going to go to sleep.

R-D bounced over to the steering wheel, looking like an excited seven-year-old on twelve cups of Mountain Dew. She licked her lips greedily and grabbed the wheel, gray eyes shining silver with insane delight. "Oooh, it's just calling me," she whispered, chuckling.

"So, erm, what rank are you?" I asked.

R-D turned her attention away from the keys and turned serious. "Oh, I'm not a Yeerk. I'm human…mostly. I simply write and read too much about you two not to recognize you when you tried to kill me." Strangely, the last words were said expressionless.

Wait, that made no sense. None whatsoever. But I had barely any time to ponder that, before…

"Heheeheeheehee! This is gonna be fun!" R-D yelled, turning the keys in the ignition and letting the engine give a startled purr. "Seatbelts everyone! BEEP BEEP!" Who was this psycho?

She slammed her foot onto the pedal and all hell broke loose!

She speeded pass the limit for Earth vehicles, going up to seventy miles an hour. WHAM! Visser One slammed into my seat, screaming in pain and shock. I gripped my own seat, praying to every Andalite and human and Yeerk and Hork-Bajir and Taxxon god there was.

"Wah-HOOOO!" R-D shouted, roaring the car into overdrive.

"Car car carcarcar!" Visser One shouted over the mini van's raucous. "Left, left left! We're going to hit!"

"Our father, who art in Heaven, hollowed be thy--" I started.

SCREECH! R-D spun the wheel, weaving through traffic like…well, like Visser One, times one hundred! She revved the car faster and faster, laughing with childish glee, and caused…oh, I don't know how many car crashes.

"--name, thy Kingdom come, on Earth as it is in Heaven--" I added.

"Oh, this is soo much better than Mario Kart and Grand Theft Auto," R-D approved, turning the car to the left and plunging between a Subaru and a pick up truck. She reeled down the window and shouted at the red pick up, "Wanna race me, mutha fuckas?"

"Slow down you freakin' dapsen!" Visser One cried. "You're going to get us killed!"

"YAAAHHH!" I leapt for the wheel and pulled us off to the side of the road, and dived bombed for the brake. We stopped and both of us Vissers panted, while R-D kept up the adrenaline buzz. "Okay, I drive, you navigate, and Visser One? Try not to puke in the back, kapeach?"

"Hobey-ho, let's go!" Can you guess who said that? I'll give ya three and the first two don't count. "Sure I can't drive a little more? We're probably half way there already."

"What is wrong with you!" Visser One fumed, whacking the crap out of R-D.

"OW! I have--ow!--A.D.D.--ow! Please stop hitting me!" the crazy girl cried.

To think, that wasn't even the beginning of our troubles…. Sigh.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

There we go. Okay, now the fun will really begin in chapter two! Where me and Visser Three die…wait, that sucks! Read and review!


	2. Dead and Debts

**Purgatory Bust! **

**Part 2: Dead and Debts!**

Disclaimer: I don't own any of K.A.A.'s characters, nor Ellie or anyone else of Sinister Shadow's O.C.'s. However, I do own me and whatever crazy shit I happen to do when I die.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Three hours. Three hours with Visser One's louder than a Dracon beam explosion snoring--not so sexy now, is she Councilor Eight?--and R-D's constant twitching when she stared at the wheel and gear shifts. More than once I had to slap her with a pipe I found rolling around on the floor.

"So, can I drive now?" R-D asked, drinking the coffee I was forced to get to stop her chatting self…for two seconds. Two wonderful, amazing, blessed seconds.

"No," I muttered, trying to concentrate on the road. Remember, Visser Three, anger management, no decapitating of possible hosts, anger management, no decapitating of possible hosts. "How the heck do you know about the Yeerks anyway, if you're not a host already or an Andalite in morph?"

The girl shrugged, counting trees outside her window. "Like I said, I read the books and fanfics about you."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" I asked, eyes starting to slide close from nonstop driving. So boring…need to annoy someone…

R-D finished her coffee, making that annoying suck-suck-suck sound with her straw. "I think…I stepped into another dimension. Perhaps I did a tesseract, the whole five dimension theory of moving past time/space continuum boundaries. Or maybe I stepped through some kind of gateway…"

"Forget I asked," I groaned.

"I might have been drunk too…" she murmured. "Hey, I'm starving, you wanna go get somethin' at eat?" She scanned the line of gas stations on our right.

"Again? We just passed through a McDonald's!"

"Sooo? Their food sucks. Haven't you ever watched Super Size Me? Or heard of the two second rule?" R-D shook her head in pity.

So, after her constant begging and screeching chatter, I was finally forced to stop by a Taco Bell. At least the psycho was willing to pay. Note to self: Pick up more crazy fan girls along the road. All in all, we ended up with three burritos, seven tacos, six quesadas, a packet of nachos (we'd never forget our special little Visser One) and two Cokes. But another note to self: sauce packets are dangerous fuel.

"Mild, hot, or fire? Oooh, ooh, so hard to choose!" she cried, picking at the red, yellow, and orange packets. "Oh my God, they're psychic!"

"What're you talking about?" I asked.

"This one says I will enjoy something nice and spicy!" R-D cried, looking at the Fire packet as if it were the Holy Grail. "Oh God, I can't just leave them! They've no family to go to!"

"WHAT!" I asked.

"I shall take you with me, my little ones! To the promised mouth! Come with me!"

So, after getting kicked out of the restaurant, causing other customers to trash their meals, and R-D saving her spicy friends, we managed to get back to the mini van without any casualties.

Apparently, Visser One has a good sense of smell. She yawned and rubbed the sleep from her eyes, looking not-so-cute--at least in my opinion--after a nap bouncing in the car. "Where…are…we…?" she asked drowsily.

My mouth was full, so R-D gulped down her Coke, and said, "I think we're in Erie, Pennsylvania. Should be about five or six hours 'til we hit the Big Apple."

Visser One combed her hair through her fingers, trying to look like the planet oppressing Numero Uno Visser she was. "What're you idiots doing?"

I swallowed the tasty chunk of beef and cheese and whatever else they put in a burrito, and said, "Sitting at some fast food restaurant eating take out. What the Seerow does it look like?" Geez, was she blind?

R-D chowed down on a taco, reminding me so much of a Taxxon chowing down on fresh, raw, juicy brother Taxxon. Was that what she meant when she said she was human…mostly? "Hey, how 'bout we hit Niagara Falls afterward? I've always wanted to go there."

"And I've always wanted to push Visser Three off a cliff," Visser One said brightly.

I tossed a tiny bag into the back seat. "Oh yeah…we didn't know if you liked Mexican food, so we saved you some nachos and the rest of my Diet Coke."

Visser One grumbled, "Gee, thanks. I guess you forgot to notice the fact that my host is Hispanic!" Hmmm, was that a type of food? "Hey, this idiot got four tacos, give me one! You eat through your hooves for Seerow's sake!" Wow, what's with that Andalite today?

"Bite me, Moron One," I mumbled through the melting cheese and steaming ground meat. Oh, the tastes! Oh, it was going to be awesome when we take over this planet. It was like there was an orgy in my mouth. (A/N: Can anyone guess where that came from?)

R-D licked her yellow smeared lips and tapped Visser One on the shoulder. "Whatever, get up here and drive loser. Visser Three's exhausted and he doesn't trust me for some reason." She sighed. "I crash into two cars, run over just one bystander, and suddenly my driving priveliges are revoked. I thought this was America! Land of the free!"

Suddenly, out of nowhere, a Mack truck smashed into our car and killed us instantly. Wow, how random is my life?

-----------------------------------------

I heard R-D, as if she were somewhere far away, in a distant echo, say, "Ow. I can't feel my…entire body…"

I turned my stalk eyes of my Andalite form around, gazing at the eerie landscape. It was all sky blue and veiled in twisting, white mists swirling around the two of us. R-D looked like she was on the verge of a panic attack. Me, I felt…sweeeeet. What was there to fear, to hate, to cry out for? I felt giddy and strange.

I felt kicked off and…flew! It was the coolest thing EVER. (WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'm weightless! Are we high?)

R-D did a front stroke over to me and asked, "How much of the maple-and-ginger did you sprinkle in your soda?" She shook her head. "No, we're not on the weed or the Quaker." We weren't? She said, rather bluntly, "We're dead."

I paused to consider that, floating about as if I got shoved through an airlock. (Oh….) I thought of all the things I'd left in the living world, all the tireless work of achieving my goals, to become the new Visser One, then eventually a Councilor, maybe even Emperor. (I'm floating!) I turned and did a somersault through the air.

R-D's head darted about. "Oh shizzles! I think we lost Edriss. Where is she?"

I snorted at that. (Who…cares? Where are _we_?)

R-D shrugged, causing her to drift sideways, left and right in the anti-gravitational world of mist and sky. "I dunno. Probably the gap between Earth and something new agey like that." She leaned her head back, looking upwards, causing her to do a back flip.

I ignored her and kicked downwards through the air. I had the greatest urge to calm her down with my _wonderful_ singing. (She was one of the acrobat's daughters. She swung from her teeth on a noose. But one sad day, the rafters gave way, and she flew through the air like a goose!) I laughed my butt off like a dapsen.

"Is she alive?" R-D panicked. "Is she Earthbound? Are we Earthbound? Oh good God, no!"

I continued on with my songs, trying to calm her down. (Come, Josephine, my flying machine. Going up, she goes, up she goes!)

R-D started patting her back and chest frantically, which drew my attention my intoxicated state. No! I wasn't looking at what you're thinking, perverts! I was, erm, just…curious! Yeah, curious at what she was doing. "Ok, breathe," she said. "First…check for silver cords."

I raised a stalk eye at that. (Huh, excusez-moi?) Neato! I could speak French! Take that Napoleon!

R-D rolled her gray-blue eyes, which seemed to now have taken an interesting shade of silver. "You know, those thingies that keep our souls tethered to our bodies when we astral travel?" She sighed heavily. "Wow, haven't you ever read a Sylvia Browne book?"

(Oh, of course! **_Those!) _**Actually, I didn't know what the hell she was yapping about. Who was Sylvia Browne? (And where would those be exactly?)

R-D swam/flew over to my side, grabbed my deer-like half's fur to keep from floating away. "Females connect at the breastbone, center of emotion. Males connect at the mid-forehead, center of intellect. So, mine would come from my chest and yours would be coming out of that thick skull of yours."

I pondered that and yelled, (Holy Oatmeal, I think you have one!)

"Really? For rizzles?"

(Yeah, but it's faint. You'll have to take off your shirt to see--) I'm not a pervert! No, no, no! I thought I saw one..ah, shut up! (--it--OW!) The crazy freak slammed her sneakered foot into my flank and tackled me! (OW! Stop, STOP STOP! I'm kidding! OW! Leave my stalk eyes--who's there?)

A female Hork-Bajir stepped out of the mists, wading her way towards us. As she came over, the fog thinned and dispersed, and both R-D and I fell onto the white marble floor beneath us. The Hork-Bajir waved a clawed hand. "Hello, I'm Aldrea and I'll be your parole officer this evening."

(ALDREA!) Great, just the dapsen I needed to see at the moment of my death.

"Oh no! Not you two jackasses! What happened to you two?" Aldrea groaned.

"Farfetched traffic incident," R-D answered.

I wanted to bolt out of here, because her appearance could only mean one thing. I tried to speak, but my voice was choked with the knowledge of the inevitable. (Oooooh mah gahahad, Ah'm iiiinnnn heeeellllllllllll!) Well, it was a good thing I could still hold onto my dignity.

"Unfortunately, no," Aldrea said, glaring her green eyes at me. Yeah, well, we kind of have a history together. Gulp. "Sorry, but um, I'm assigned to her." She jerked a clawed thumb at the silver-eyed wacko beside me.

"Oh…?" R-D exclaimed.

Another figure emerged from the vast, opaque whiteness around us. "Like, _I'm_ with stupid," Ellie said. Oh wonderful. This dead thing was getting better by the minute.

"Hey, I didn't know you died!" R-D exclaimed. "How's death treating you?"

"Shaweet!" my intern said, holding a clipboard in her left hand.

(Huh? You two know each other?) I asked.

Ellie giggled her please-blow-my-brains-out-annoying-as-hell giggle. "Like, Visser, that's like the dumbest question since, who's like Jack Sparrow?"

I groaned and decided to not ask her anymore questions. I turned to Aldrea, who stood smugly to the side. (What's this about parole?)

The Hork-Bajir nothlit shrugged her thick shoulders. "That's just an expression."

(..For…?) I pressed.

Ellie jumped in, chewing on a thumbnail and nervously glancing at my twitching tail blade. "Um, like, I don't like know how to like tell you this, so like, I'll just tell you like straight out like now." How can anyone fit _six _likes in a single sentence?

Aldrea sighed. "You have to go to Purgatory."

That didn't exactly sound too damning my soul to the pits sounding, but there was something to the way she said it. (Oh, that's bad, right?)

"You have like no clue, do you?" Ellie asked.

"Yeah, unfortunately," R-D muttered, glaring at the ground and counting the trail of smooth tiles. Uh-oh. "Some Catholic afterlife. A horrible existence in a void and there's chains…hey, wait a moment! I'm a Presbyterian Christian, not a damn Catholic."

(And I don't even know any human religions, let alone follow them,) I said.

"Why'd we end up here?" R-D growled, eyes like cold steel. Double uh-oh. R-D, repeat after me: do-not-loose-control. I-do-not-want-to-be-sent-to-hell. Please-shut-up-NOW!

"You have some like debts to pay off," Ellie answered, stepping back from the enraged nutcase.

(Debts?) I asked.

Aldrea grabbed the clipboard out of Ellie's hands. I figured she was trying to pick out which war crime I committed or person I murdered. This would take awhile. She said coolly, "Let's see…how about the time you stole Andalite porn _before _you even got Alloran? Or when you stole red panties from a department store? Or--"

R-D glanced at me questioningly. "What were you doing with red--"

I leaped forward and slammed my hand over her mouth. (Ah, hahahaaaaaaaaha, let's not get personal now.)

Aldrea cleared her snake-like throat and quoted, reading the scroll, "'Overall, a mean, selfish, greedy bastard. Pessimistic, murderous, insane, and distant to the point of shutting out the rest of society while worrying only about himself.'"

R-D whistled. "Damn, they got us good."

I rolled my eyes at that. (Oh, pff. That's only because everyone else is an idiot. Where'd you get my résumé, anyhow?)

"Saint Peter," Aldrea answered.

"Like, duh," Ellie added helpfully.

(Okay, you don't have to get snippy about it!)

"Tell me my horoscope!" R-D cried.

Ellie grinned and waved her hand in the air, drawing a thread of mist towards her and condensing into a sheet of paper. Show off. She quickly read over it. "Like wow, you're such a bitch. 'Airheaded, sarcastic, and bipolar. Always committing idiotic acts to snare people's interest, while being secretive and hateful of other human beings. Nobody ever has her full attention and her A.D.D. is enough to _offend_ the calmest of people.' Hey, there's a footnote. 'Also suspected of being bisexual.'"

"That's bogus," R-D commented. "Me? Since when have I done _anything_ stupid?" I hugged my sides so I wouldn't start huffing, the Andalite equivalent of laughing.

"Like, how about the time you like dressed up as like Batman and walked around Walmart hissing at people and like scaring little kids, screaming like, 'To the Bat Mobile, Robin!'?" Ellie asked oh so innocently.

"I got ten bucks for that!" R-D defended. "Besides, what happens in Erie, PA, stays in Erie, PA. And I'm not gay!" She glared at me, losing control and huffing. "Oh, shut it. Remember when you reached the Empire Building and thought some _male_ host was **_handsome_**?"

(Who would you know--) I remembered her discussions of reading about me and the Yeerks and everyone. Great, the bitch can blackmail me now! (….moving on.)

"So we have to repent?" R-D asked Aldrea.

"Yes."

"In Purgatory?"

"Yes."

"For being ourselves?"

Aldrea snapped at her, "Stop looking at me as if I'm some manical Yeerk asshole like him." She cast a glance at me. Coughbitchydapsencough. "I didn't make up the rules. King James did, er, I mean, God!"

I laughed at that. (Yeah…sure…right…) Who was King James?

R-D leaned back against me, grinning slyly, then focusing back on Aldrea and Ellie. "Let's think this out logically."

Aldrea's tail swished in agitation. "You're not making my job any easier," she murmured.

"Ok, God creates the Universe, 'kay?" R-D started.

(Here we go, one more time,) I said, fighting the previous urge to sing the rest of the song. I knew it! I just knew it! We were going to burn.

"People really believe the point of existence is just a battle over whether the Big Cheese cuts us puny human and Andalite and Hork-Bajir and Yeerk and Taxxon souls some slack, by either sending us to Paradise or shipping us off to Hell?" R-D asked in her best smart ass tone.

Aldrea bit her green tongue. "Uh…" She started babbling in her absence for an explanation like she always did. "Well, um, the er…salvation…and Beelzebub…."

I stomped a hoof at that. (Oh puh-lease. That's more self-centered than _I_ am.)

"Yeah," Ellie agreed, "it like, is."

R-D turned her back on the enraged Andalite-gone-Hork-Bajir, folding her arms across her chest and grinning. "Looks like you'll have to get Lucifer himself to drag my ass away, because I believe in the "quick to forgive, slow to anger" God, with compassion for everyone. Not this hateful, judgmental guy who sends you down with Hitler and Jack the Ripper, to punish you for idle "sins", A.K.A. natural human mistakes and desires he implanted in us in the first place."

I stood, thinking of those words. Ellie bit her lip, pondering, "Hmmm…like….she actually like has a point."

Aldrea scratched her chin. "Well…" She paused. "..okay." A silver whistle appeared in her fist and she blew with a shrill, ear pitching noise.

A plume of fire, smoke, sulfur and brimstone erupted from the marble floor. In front of us stood a furry, red humanoid creature, with scaly black wings, horns, a pointed, barbed tail, and goat legs, with long, yellowed fangs, wearing a tuxedo and a tie.

"Dick?" R-D asked. "Dick Cheney? Is that you?"

The figure snarled at us, puffing his big chest out manically. "Insignificant mortal fool! You must forever burn in torment and despair! Sink into the quicksand of your own meaningless existence. For I, Lucifer, King of Lies and Prince of Darkness, shall claim your worthless soul! WAR-HAR-HAR-HAR-HAR!"

R-D jumped back and hid behind me. "Fine! I'll take Purgatory! But I won't like it!"

Aldrea smiled coyly at us. "That's better."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hehehe, I always imagined I'd smart mouth the parole officer. Ahem. Next up: **Part 3: Astral Traveling and Enlightenment!**

To my reviewers:

Voodooqueen126: And you all thought he had no sense of GOD! Muhahahahaaha!

Sinister Shadow: Yes, I LOVE CLOSET FAN! I want to see some lip smacking in the Journal. They're just so cute. Oh, and the sign? Yeah, me and my friends had dared each other on Christmas to hold up signs along the road. My friend Nick had to hold up one that said, "Will screw fruits and fats for a donut!"


	3. Astral Traveling and Enlightenment

**Purgatory Bust!**

**Part 3: Astral Traveling and Enlightenment!**

Disclaimer: I do not own Animorphs or Ellie or anyone else of Sinister's characters. I still declare that I'm a free born American and claim my ideas on the spirit world and Purgatory. Take that Pope Man!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

One thing they need in Purgatory: home decor.

We were led forcibly back into a small apartment by two guards, seemingly human, but when the pair of us, R-D and I, tried to fight them and escape, they overpowered us easily. Drugs are bad and so are steroids! Damn performance enhancers…

Thing 1 and Thing 2, as I shall deem them, since the bastards wouldn't give up their names, pushed us into our tiny room. There were two beds--or should I say, mattresses--on the floor. White. The plastered walls and tiled floors were blank and uninteresting. White as well. The door to our cell was polished steel, with a tiny slit to slide in food and grass, but…you guessed it, also painted white. Never again would I look at Skim milk the same way again.

I glared at R-D. Why did she have to be Caucasian?

"Stay," Thing 1 growled.

Thing 2 closed the door. "Here." The flap of the door tilted upwards and a mixed platter of green grass and a ham sandwich slid through. "Eat."

(Not very talkative, are you people?) I asked. Right now, I would've settled for Ellie for company. Shiver. How desperate are these people going to make us?

R-D stared listlessly at the slimy, green splattered sandwich and collapsed on one of the beds. "Ug." She got to her feet, smiled at me, and leapt at me. "Still soft."

I sighed, too tired and exhausted to deal with the monkey hanging on my back. (Oof.) I fell onto the floor, trying to find something, _anything_, to entertain my eyes.

"Oh meh gawd!" R-D grumbled.

I lazily turned a stalk eye at her. (Bad day, I'm presuming?)

"Ya think!" she practically shouted, rolling off me and landing flat on her back on the floor, scratching her camouflage pants. "Today, I had to pay for tricking some girl into paying me ten bucks when I started a fake, reincarnation religion in school." She muttered to herself, "I thought God would be amused when I told her she started her first life as a Yeerk…"

(Huh?) I asked. Was I supposed to be honored or appalled? Or maybe just creeped out? Yeah, creeped out was it.

"I'd rather not tell, but come on. What a gay ass punishment! Let's just say: if I ever see another toilet in this life or the next or whatever, I'll rip it out of the floor and beat Aldrea unconscious." She shivered, and I finally realized what that smell had been.

(Oh, puh-leaze, little dapsen writer. I had to do time for chomping down Elfangor a year ago,) I grumbled, poking at my now irritated stomach, and slammed my blade into the bed. Didn't even rip the rock hard surface. Wonderful. (He wasn't even that tasty! I was stuck on the toilet for a week!)

"Don't say the T-word!" she shouted, huddling into the fetal position. "Wouldn't unclog…too much waste…no plunger…it took the plunger!"

(Breathe, R-D, breathe!) I cried. (You are _not_ leaving me alone stuck in this evil place.)

The brunette finally stopped hyperventilating after, oh say, ten minutes maybe. But who's counting? She poked at me curiously with her forefinger. "Hey something's been bothering me."

(Wow, you finally say that _now_?) I asked, wagging my tail in boredom.

She continued to prod me with the digit. "Yeah. You're a Yeerk, Esplin, but you still retain an Andalite body. And you haven't bitched about Alloran's complaining."

(Yeah, I've been wondering about that too,) I said. (Maybe when you're dead, you're able to choose the form you take. In your living body, your particles are almost like inflexible steel, but your spirit is like loosely sculpted clay.) Oh yeah! Take that Eivan Six-Seven-Nine, Mr. Yeerks-Have-No-Genders. Who's the sciencey whiz now? Who's gonna be on the _New Yeerk Times _cover now! Oh wait, the deceased don't get to be on the cover of Empire magazines. Whoops. (Anyways, this means…)

R-D grinned. "Morph off contest!"

We turned away from each other, and I thought of the one creature that could scare even the Emperor. With a maniacal voice and hideous form, I turned around and met my match, staring at R-D.

Of course, sadly, I was first to panic. (AAAAHHHH! Paris Hilton!)

R-D ducked behind a mattress, crossing herself. "AAAAHHHH! Hilary Clinton! Change back, change back!"

We returned to our own forms, me an Andalite, her a psycho human. (Never ever again.) I shivered. (Crap, now I'm going to have nightmares…)

R-D brushed herself off--even though this place was disturbingly clean, like Ellie's pink room--and tapped her chin. "So, about this particle thingamagig. Does it only count for us? You think we could do the same for objects?" She picked up the ham sandwich, closed her eyes, and concentrated. The food began to change.

My three hearts beat fast. Maybe she could make a key to get out of this place. Or a Dracon Beam to blast down the door.

The item took shape. It was, it _was_…

"Aha! I did it!" R-D cried, swinging about with the can of Maibock beer in her hand. "Yes Lord, yes Lord, yes yes Lord, amen!"

(Oh great we're saved,) I muttered dryly. (Now we can drink our troubles away and get stuck in here another few years for alcohol overdose.)

"Heheheee!" she cried and gulped down the beverage, continuing her little dance.

The aftereffects were interesting…

First, her face twisted in pain and disgust. Then, her dance slowed and she fell to the floor, bawling. Finally, she spat out the beer and went into hysterics again. Oh goodie. "What kind of sick, twisted hell is this!"

(What? Is it poisoned!) I cried. Don't tell me the dead could die again!

"Ih..ih…it's stale! And nonalcoholic!" she screamed. "Why God? Why must this suffering continue!" She ran at the door and slammed her fists against it. "Hey, you two guards, Dumb and Dumberer, get back here! Someone's got a lot of explainin' to do 'round here and it ain't me!"

Suddenly, a loud rumbling shaking sounded and both of our heads snapped at it's direction, echoing through the chambers.

(What in the, well, Purgatory is that!) I yelled. (Someone turn the damn thing off!)

"I think it's an ice machine," R-D muttered absently.

I groaned. (Of all the places in this hell-hole, we get the frickin' ice machine! The ice machine, for Seerow's sake! Someone just shoot me already!) Maybe I was being slightly moody, but that thing was louder than an Ozzy Osbourne fest.

"This blows!" Miss Obvious announced. "Let's go get Visser One, see what she's doin'."

I took my fingers from my ears. (We can do that?)

"Well sure!" R-D said brightly. "Don't you have a single drop of spiritualism? That's the beauty of being dead. You can go anywhere you wish to be. Well, within the 74 Universes, of course."

(Wow. That's a lot of infinite space,) I said. (Can we teleport?)

R-D winked slyly. "Now you're catching on." She grabbed my hand and we vanished.

-----------------------------------------------------------

First thing I noticed was smoke and shattered bits of metal everywhere. I blinked to clear my eyesight and noticed dozens of people in suits and blue outfits. I stiffened, not recognizing anyone from the Yeerk Pool, but realized they were taking notice of me or R-D.

(Where are we?) I asked.

"Ouch. Brutal," R-D said. "The site of the accident." She pointed to a severed, black skinned, human hand. My morph's hand. R-D laughed and picked it up, throwing it at me. "Hey, Visser Three, can you lend me a hand? I can't find mine."

I dodged the body part and watched it land in a pile of burning flesh. (You a sick, demented individual.) A black bird with a skinny, pink neck landed on the flesh pile. (Stop pecking at my body you vulture, you! Yeah, that's right, I'm talking to you, baldie!)

I crouched back on my legs--

"What're you doing?" R-D asked nervously.

--and leaped!

(Die, birdie die!) I screamed.

R-D shook her head, grumbling, "We're already on COPS, we don't need to be on Ghost Busters." She jumped and tried to tear me away from my prey. "Put. The. Bird. Down."

(YAAAAHHHHH!) I yelled. (Who wants a piece of me, now?) I whipped my tail about. (Say 'ello do my liddle friend!)

"Visser Three, leave the birds alone!" R-D cried. "There's a discount on oatmeal at K-Mart!"

I stopped my attack. (Really, which one?)

SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

"You idiot!" R-D cried. Did she have to overact about _every_thing? "Let's go before the Sci Fi crew gets here."

I rubbed my sore cheek, and in a semi colored blur, we were off!

-----------------------------------------------------------

We ended up in one of those soap opera, cliché hospital rooms, with the TV on the wall chattering about some fakey romance, the food tray covered with empty cartons and plates, and a bunch of primitive, beeping machines.

Behind a curtain, was Visser One. Her skin was pale and hair a black, ruffled mess, sticking up in all directions. Wires and tubes poked in and out of her skin in a complicated matter, and bandages were wrapped around her in a mummified way. The heart and brain wave monitors beside her bed gave off a dramatic, definite _beep! _every two seconds.

That stupid car accident had ruined her beautiful form! How could those assholes called "doctors" let her suffer! Put her out of this wretched pain, you dapsens! Ahem, cough, you didn't read that. Erase that from your memory this instant, or I'll Dracon you!

No, she was my enemy, now shut up you stupid conscience. I cocked my head to the side. (Awww, she's in intensive care.)

R-D clasped her hands together, cooing, "And the rest of her family and friends are thousands of miles away in California or space. Councilor Eight might not even know about her."

Hah, served that fool right…

(And she needs machines to survive,) I commented. (And she probably wouldn't be in our hooves, er, shoes. I mean, she's anti-religious, but--)

"Yeah."

Out of nowhere, I said softly, (Let's pull the plug.)

"**_WHAT_**!"

I shook my head, and gathered my thoughts. (Um, yeah, she doesn't deserve--)

"She obviously does," R-D said.

I rolled a stalk eye at her. (Oh come on. She practically beat you unconscious with that bat of hers. And let's not forget the HCF event, if you know so much about my and her lives. So let's do it.)

"Esplin Nine-Four-Double-Six," R-D growled slowly, and stuttered, "It's just…Closet Fan…and the fights…hate meaning something else...um…"

(What are you talking about?) I asked.

R-D bit her lip. "YOU can't do that."

I sighed. (Fine, let her suffer.)

R-D was about to reply, but exclaimed, "Who in the shit hell is that?"

I shifted my attention to where her gaze was pointed, back at the hospital bed. Rising out of the crippled body, was a much healthier and more attractively beautiful--you did _not _read that--Visser One in her host's form, just like me.

(H-h-hey,) I stuttered, (we were just talking about you.)

R-D added, "Yes, how bizarre."

Visser One scowled at us. Nice to you, Miss Tramp of the Year. "I see you two dapsens crossed over okay."

R-D scratched her head, grinning wryly. "Actually, no…we're doing time in Purgatory, but thanks for the well wishes. I think."

How could she know…? (You _knew_ we were dead?)

R-D shook her head in pity. "Duh, dude. Her soul obviously felt us passing into this room. You're like a brick wall to all this."

(Well, soooorry. Some of us have to spend a little time conquering galaxies and species, not sitting on the couch watching evangelists.) I clopped over beside the bed and passed my see-through hand into Visser One's head. (Can you feel me now?)

"Hah, hah, very funny." Visser One snapped, "Keep the hands above the waist, bucko!"

Who did she think I was? Iniss?

(You're one to talk you little slu--hey, how can you be right there? I mean, your body's right here, last time I checked.)

"You're astral traveling?" R-D asked skeptically.

"Mm-hm," Visser One nodded. "That's right. My host body and even my Yeerk self are all ghetto now."

"I see," R-D said.

Something caught the light, twining out between Visser One's breasts…gimme a break! That's where it was. (And that gray, shining thread coming out of your…back of your _chest_…silver cord?)

Visser One nodded. "Good eye."

R-D leaned back against the wall. "As it is written, 'Remember him, before the silver cord is cut, then the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to the God who gave it.' Ecclesiastes 12 : 6, 7. I always wanted to quote that."

Visser One raised an eyebrow. "Meaning…?"

R-D sighed. "Until we die, our souls will always be pulled back in after an astral trip."

"Oh."

(That crazy crap's in the good book?) I asked.

R-D chuckled. "Try Revelations. They got dragons and locusts and prostitutes and scrolls and skulls popping out of hell in that one."

Was the human race wasted twenty-four/seven? Apparently so. Maybe I'd read this book sometime. It'd be more entertaining than Iniss's journal at least.

"Yeah, well, I was starting to zone out in here," Visser One commented. "Purgatory, huh? Harsh."

(I still refuse to believe in it,) I muttered.

R-D cracked up at that. "That's only because his intern ended up as his Gary Coleman-guardian angel."

(NO! More like warden,) I grumbled. (Visser One, you'd better spend all your bad karma before you die, because death's the bitch, not life.)

R-D glanced outside at a towering clock nearby. "Oh shit! We have to get going! You can't tell time at all when you're stuck in the spirit world!"

"Yeah?" Visser One inquired.

(Alright, remember, healthy thoughts, happy places,) I advised. (Try not to kill too many of your underlings next month, okay?)

"You're one to talk," Visser One quipped. "Have fun purging yourselves."

(Don't get raped in bed!)

--------------------------------------------------------

Our atoms rearranged themselves back in our apartment. Ah, home sweet home. I was beginning to miss the sweet, nerve wracking whiteness…not. Both R-D and I settled on one of the rock solid mattresses.

R-D stretched out on the thin slate of bed. "We need to do some feng-shui."

The door slammed open and in stormed Aldrea, nostrils flaring and eyes wide. She looked as evil as Dick Cheney, I mean, Lucifer. She closed the door behind her and stepped between us. R-D cast me a sidelong look.

Aldrea huffed and wiped the sweat from her forehead. "Oh! You're back." HUGE smile. "So, how was our little trip?"

(Fine…) I said, just a little disturbed. What was going on?

"How can you people do this shit to me? I'm just doing my job," Aldrea mumbled, suddenly depressed. "I mean, when you're an overweight child, born in a society that demands perfection, your views on right and wrong, fair and unfair, will always be _tragically skewered_. Do you want to get me fired? It's a hard enough existence as it is."

R-D and I shared a look, R-D looking as if she were about to comfort the moaning girl.

The Hork-Bajir suddenly freaked out, going from suicidal to homicidal, and screamed, "What the hell were you two morons thinking! You haven't even reached the point of enlightenment!" She waved her bladed arms in the air like a, well, like a raving dapsen. My bad. "You can't simply travel back to the mortal realm!"

Oh no, someone had too many flakies today. Ritalin or Prozac anyone?

(Apparently we can since we just did,) I scoffed.

"Why you--"

"It was an emergency," R-D piped up. "We were bored as hell and you know what? Both of us are sick of this stupid, unfair, sadistic, hypocritical place, with you, you manipulative, arrogant, little, conniving--"

I ran over and slapped my hand over her mouth before she could finish that statement. I whispered, (R-D, maybe it's not a good idea to upset the parole officer. You know, the person with the papers that'll send us to either Heaven or Hell. The person who may have had a few to many drinks today.)

Aldrea chuckled. Oh no. It was never a good thing with the crazy people laughed after a rant, I oughta know…erm, rephrase that. "FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLS!"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Oh where, oh where, shall our journey lead us now? Only if you review shall ye find the answer!

To my reviewers:

Voodooqueen126: I hope that answered your first question. Your second one will be answered in the next chapter so review….would I have really ended up in Purgatory?

Sinister Shadow: Poor, poor Yeerk, he really needs to tie his life together before it…never mind. Anyways, yes! Yes! YES! Lip smacking!


	4. Salvation and Lovers

**Purgatory Bust!**

**Part 4: Salvation and Lovers!**

Thanks Sin, for being the only reviewer, but since you and Darth and Voo still like it, I'll continue. You'll even have your own little parts in Chapter 5. (winks)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I sighed. Could my life…I mean, death…get any worse? Really, I want to know.

Aldrea, Thing 1 and Thing 2 had forcibly--what? you think they just asked us?--led us to a…yep, _white_ room. The walls and door were all the same egg-shell shade, as well as the chains that bounded my tail and hooves, as well as R-D's arms to the wall.

R-D stared sadly at the chains around her wrists. "Apparently, we missed some anti-travel rule." She rattled the cream-colored cords of metal. "My wrists hurt."

(Yeah,) I agreed, my tail twitching and making a clanging sound as the steel hit against marble. (And you know what? I am so, so, _soooo_ sick of the color **_white_**!)

R-D grinned smugly. "Then not all is lost!" She pressed up against my flank and whispered coyly in my pointed ear, "It will pleasure you to know that I have a Sharpie in my pocket. A **_GREEN_** Sharpie."

I groaned. (Actually, that just made it worse. Doesn't the color green symbolize life and healing?)

"Ouch, the cruel irony," R-D muttered. She shook her chains some more. "This wanks."

I rolled my eyes at the obvious complaint, but for some reason my gaze stayed on the white chains bounding us inside. Without these metallic ropes, we could easily stride out of here, since the door was unlocked, a mental slap in the face to us captors. The chains seemed to whisper to me somehow.

"Well, since we're going to be staying in here for awhile, we may as well learn some things," R-D said. "Did you know that you can tell a sumac tree from others by breaking off one of the leaves, crushing it, and sniffing the remnants. They smell just like old Taco Bell burritos!"

(And I care because…?) I muttered distractedly.

"Well, don't eat them. They taste awful, pine needles are a different matter," R-D said oh-so-wisely. "You haven't sucked up anything through those hooves until you've tasted the tea."

I interrupted our intellectual discussion, by asking, (How strong do you think this metal is? Could it hold under a powerful pulling force?)

R-D furrowed her brows. "Huh." She tugged at her chains, which refused to budge, but then bit down with her teeth. She released her hold and licked her incisors. "I'm betting if I had a pair of wire cutters I could…oh! Why didn't you think of it before? We've been in here for probably five hours."

I scowled at her and whipped my tail. FWAPP! The metal length on my muscled, blue limb fell away. FWAPP! FWAPP! FWAPP! FWAPP! My hooves were free as well, and I started towards the door, reaching for the handle.

I felt as if I'd forgotten something.

"Visser Three!"

(Fa-ine,) I muttered and lashed at R-D's ropes. FWAPP!

"Ow! You stupid, son of a…" R-D sucked on the line of red blood on her arm, glaring up at me. "Could you be any lousier of a aim?"

See, this is why I don't like to help people.

(Okay, first you want me to sever the chains, now you don't. What is it? We don't have eternity to decide, you know,) I said, narrowing my eyes for another whip. FWAPP!

R-D rubbed her arms and smeared the spilt blood on her camouflage pants. "never mind this stupid cut. Let's get the hella outta here before the twins come back."

And with that, the horses were off! Or whatever that human sayin' is. R-D and I motored our legs down those halls, a blue and tanned blur, with chestnut hair and tail whipping back in our downdraft. Unfortunately, we happened to pass a sleepy eyed guard on the way. The Taxxon screeched gibber-gabber and waved his dozens of arms.

"Oh, be quiet!" R-D kicked the bloated worm and I smacked him silly with my blade.

"Screeha screechi nisss!" the Taxxon screamed, which in human terms means, "You hit me you fuckers!"

Another person appeared, with Aldrea at his side. He looked human, with brilliant, shimmering green flecked ebony feathered wings, dozens of emerald eyes across his face, with no nose or mouth, covered in black fur, and with a twitching, spaded tail. Weird, huh? Even weirder was the fact that he was wearing a toga and wielding a light saber.

R-D's jaw dropped. "It's y-y-you…you're Gabriel, the archangel!"

(_That's_ an _angel_?) I asked incredulity.

R-D rolled her silver irises. "Duh. Haven't you read the Bible, yet? I mean, the first thing angels always say to mortals is: **fear not**. You didn't think they were just big dudes with dove wings? In a world with centaurs and dragons flying around, how would that be scary?"

(Alright, alright, I get the message,) I growled. (Let's run now.)

Again, we ran and ran…yes, we ran some more. But no matter how hard we dashed, Aldrea, The Thing brothers, Gabriel and a few others were closing the distance between us. I knew that sooner or later they'd catch us.

But then, as if God Himself had finally shed some mercy on us, in the middle of the hallway, shining with an unseen spotlight, was…

"Oh my God, is that what I think it is?" R-D asked, awed.

I panted, lungs on fire. (Yep. Hallenjuhua,)

"Hallelujah," R-D corrected.

(Whatever,) I shot back. (Let's get out of here.)

We leaped into the beautiful, magnificent golf cart, me crammed into the back and R-D in the driver's seat. In the heat of the moment, I'd forgotten one important fact.

(Drive! Drive! Drive!)

"With pleasure," R-D said giddily. A few gears pushed and turned, and she had the engine mumbling. "Just listen to that baby purr."

(Why would anyone stick an infant into a vehicle's engine?)

Before we could ponder that, R-D kicked the car in gear. We flew down the halls, but suddenly, instead of getting farther away, our enemies seemed a little tooo near for comfort. It was as if…

(You dapsen, you threw it into reverse!)

R-D cracked the gearshift forward and _now_ we were making a clean getaway. I won't go into how far or long it took for us to get out of there, but once we were out of Asylum 666, I cried with joy.

(God bless the Homeworld! Yeee-hah!)

Then R-D crashed into an oak.

After R-D spent five minutes apologizing to the tree for leaving a dent in its bark, we raced into the spiritual, misty, gloriously colored forest of oaks and maples and poplars and pines--yes, R-D had spent a little too much time telling me about trees in our little hellhole--to hide near a thicket of juwle weed and brambles.

"So what do we do now?" R-D asked.

(How should I know? You know more about this shit then me,) I muttered.

R-D leaned back against a autumn ready maple, the bark almost a lustrous purple, like rosewood--geez, I should be on Discovery Channel or something. "Seeing as we're the only two fugitives in the whole soul system, I dunno." She closed her eyes and pursed her lips. "Maybe I was wrong."

(What do you mean?) I asked. (You've been wrong about everything we've done so far. What else could there be?)

R-D sighed. "I need to rehash my ideas on the spirit world and Heaven. Maybe--"

I twitched my tail. (Thank the stars. I've been waiting for a religious epiphany, I'm so bored.)

R-D picked up a dried maple leaf and crushed it in her hand. She said in a hushed tone, like she had some great secret, "Some people believe 'no fear of the afterlife, no religions at all.' In part, I believed that too, but atheists and others were wrong, it's not people like the Catholics who are at fault. I mean, sentient beings can't focus on good and Heaven and God twenty-four/seven. Most spend time thinking of evil, hell, and the devil. It's human and Yeerk and everyone else's nature. Fear overpowers hope."

I leaned against a dying elm, the few remaining leave's shadows dotting my fur with patterns. (And you're saying this because…?)

R-D picked up a helicopter seed, twirling it in her fingertips. "I've always been loyal to ideals of creation and all that shit, but I've seen too many priests and bishops use an element of fear to drive people into cornered faith. The idea that some use terror instead of hope to pollute minds thinking mainly of hell sickens me. And I've always had an aversion to nuns."

(And your point is…?)

"By your standards, I should be in Hell. But I'm not."

(Well, I guess… If you put it that way. I should be in the pits too for all the crap I've pulled off.)

"Didn't Jesus himself say that it was when the Shepard found the missing one sheep, that he was truly overjoyed, instead of the ninety-nine others who hadn't gone astray?" R-D said, dropping the maple seed to the ground, watching the wingtip flutter. "Maybe redemption is stalling for time. Maybe forgiveness waits right where you fell… Where you can run to escape yourself."

I blinked. (Salvation is here?) For some reason, I felt suddenly enlightened. It made too perfect sense.

"Yes I am," a voice said.

R-D turned her head in the direction of the voice, while all I had to do was turn a stalk eye. Unneeded, unwanted, Councilor Eight appeared, brushing thorny vines away from his legs. He grinned, smoothing back his blonde hair.

(Oh no, not you,) I groaned. (I said "salvation", not "damnation".)

Councilor Eight's shoulders drooped. What, did he expect a big, warm welcome? In a lowered tone, he said, "Hurry, there's not much time."

R-D beamed. "I love that line! Which movie was that relating too?"

Councilor Eight looked warily around, as if the world around us was about to collapse. For all I knew, it probably could. He quickly explained, "You see, when the Mack truck collided with your car, instead of your own lives flashing before your eyes, your negative attitudes and vivid imaginations unleashed a particularly powerful tulpa-like force, then combined, trapping your own selves in a poltergeist resembling void of guilt and religious propaganda."

R-D cocked her head to the side. "Interesting."

I clenched my fists and snarled, (Why didn't you just tell us we were in a poltergeisty existence before?)

"You two just learned your lesson," Councilor Eight defended. "I'm not the one making this shit up anyways, _you_ are. Now let's move."

(We're still alive, then?) I asked hopefully.

R-D kicked at a cluster of red and orange leaves. "Well, that's the thing: we can't be, because even people in near death experiences still have silver cords, now wouldn't they?"

(Unless…) I leaned back against a tree, disbelieving. (What if this isn't an astral experience at all? What if one of us is having…some sick nightmare?)

R-D said, "It's probably me, with all the religious opinionating and the green Sharpie you wouldn't have known I had."

(That doesn't fit. You didn't understand why I had my Andalite host body still. And what about the wardens being Aldrea and Ellie?)

R-D stepped closer to my face. "What about the silver cord thing? And the 44 Universes?" Her hands were clenched closed.

I pressed my slitted nostrils against her human nose, starring eye-to-eye. (How about the "Come, Josephine" and the apartment with the ice machine?) My tail was a tightly strung, coiled muscle, ready to roll some heads.

Sensing the possibility of a fight, Councilor Eight intervened and pushed us apart. "Break it up, break it up! No, noobs! That's not it! You're still in your bodies, just in a weird, anti-existence. Why do you think Alloran isn't paying off debts with you?"

"Hot piss!" R-D swore. "Didn't see that _one _coming."

"But to escape this place, you must survive…The Hall of Horrors!"

(Sounds terrifying,) I said dryly. (Wait, why doesn't Visser One have to suffer it with us? She's here to, isn't she?)

"Sure she is, it's just that…she'll be paying off in other ways…" The Councilor's eyes lit up with a lustful urge of delight.

I could imagine… Him and Visser One wrapped up in each other's arms, coiled together like a pair of lusting serpents. They'd get together on some silky bed, fluttering each others' lips across their flesh and… Disgust of some unknown kind settled in my stomach. I didn't want to think of _him_ on her.

R-D raised an eyebrow at me. "Hey, V-3, I can see steam rising off ya."

_Calm down you stupid dapsen, _I cursed myself. _Who cares who that whore is with?_

The Councilor ignored me. "Your worst fears are about to be unleashed. Have fun…"

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Wow, Mr. Visser has possessive issues, huh? Here's to you Closet Fans! Oh, a shout out to VooDoo, Sin, and Darth. Next chappie is the next!


	5. Movies, Hatred, and All That Junk!

Okay, everyone, this is the stunning conclusion to Purgatory Bust!

**Purgatory Bust!**

**Part 5: Movies, Hatred, And All That Junk!**

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

_**Door 1: Movie Horrors!**_

Councilor Eight waved his arm in the air and mist gathered around us, shutting off the view of the forest and in the next instant, we found ourselves in a boxed up hallway--I guess that might have to do with the whole "Hall of Horrors" crap. Anyways, on the end of the hall, a lavender door appeared. Lavender…something didn't stick well with me about that…

(You expect us to just walk into whatever room that is?) I asked dryly.

Councilor Eight raised an eyebrow at me. "You know, your next duty in Purgatory was to scrub out the Andalite toilets."

Oh good Akdor. The images of that… Being an Andalite-Controller, I knew full well the terror that would be unleashed. No wonder R-D was crying yesterday…

(Okay, let's go Risika!) I said cheerily, before the Councilor simply pushed us down the hallway and _through_ the door. No, I'm not talking about just opening really quickly for the pair of us, we just slipped through the door. Freeee-eeky.

There were no lights in the room as we crashed onto the too-lightly carpeted floor. It reeked of piss and puke, and the floor was sticky with some combination of pop and the former two. I groped blindly in the dark, trying to untangle myself from R-D.

(Are we in hell?) I asked nervously.

"No, we're in Santa's workshop," R-D quipped.

(Could you cut with the sarcasm?) I asked.

"Actually, I did have a nightmare where Santa's wife beat the crap out of me with a candy cane and the elves gave me hickies," R-D defended.

(I really, really, _really_ didn't need to know that.)

The lights finally flickered on and we found the pair of us in a dimmed red room, with a stained carpet and rows of seats leading up to a blank, giant, white screen.

"What?" R-D muttered. "This looks like a Carmike Cinema."

(Let's just sit down,) I said. (At least you won't be sucking this filth through your hooves. Oh--BLECH!) Right then, my fore hooves stepped into a blackened puddle of what could've been piss or Pepsi or vomit. If I was lucky, it was just soda. C'mon!

I sniffed my hoof. Nope. Just urine.

The movie rolled onto the screen and on played a movie entitled, "Nightwatch."

"Brace yourself," R-D grumbled, fingers digging into the velvet seating.

If only I'd listened…

Okay, I think I have the plot figured out. There's this guy, who wants to get back at his wife, so he goes to a witch to kill the unborn child with black magic. Then, she's busted by a police force called--tuh duh--"Nightwatch" and the guy sees them, soo… No, scratch that, that isn't right.

Okay, okay, so now he's a vampire five years later and he has to stop two other vamps from killing some kid…wait, that isn't it either.

Now, there's this girl, who's cursed to destroy every life she sees or comes in contact with. Puppies die, flowers wither, people fall crippled or disease, blah blah blah. If she isn't stopped, a war shall be unleashed between the Nightwatch and Daywatch…

Um, wait…

I grabbed my stalk eyes and pulled viciously at them. (What the Seerow's going on? I-I-I c-c-can't figure it out! This is driving me insane.)

A tear slid down R-D's face, followed by others. "But there's no plot." She became caught in an existential quandary, stuttering uncontrollably. "No point. No essence. No purpose. No meaning. No plot…"

SLAP!

R-D rubbed her sore jaw. "Thank you, oh good God, thank you!"

The next movie rolled onto the screen, called, "The Break-Up." Oh goodie.

All it's about is this dry humored, ridiculously stupid couple who tries to tie their marriage together after they're unable to cope with being with each other. AS IF there aren't ENOUGH damn SITCOMS with the same damn IDEA!

R-D spat on the floor. "EW! I hate these two '_STARS_'… And this plot? Beyond stupid." She turned to me and stared. "UM, Visser Three? Are you alright?"

I pointed at the screen. (S…s….sl….slut…sl….)

Finally, up came everyone's favorite: "The Da Vinci Code."

R-D sighed. "Oh no, I've read this book."

(What's it about?)

"Everyone's looking for the Holy Grail, which happened to be Jesus's wife and descendents, and the Catholic church tries to hide it."

(Why would there be a movie contradicting the Catholic church into a giant conspiracy in Purgatory? I mean, if we learn the real truth…)

"For one thing, the Teabing character is wrong about _every_thing."

(What about the Last Supper?) I asked.

R-D snorted. "If they took time to look at other Leonardo paintings, they'd noticed the guy made any clean shaven and young guys feminine in his paintings. The guy on Jesus's other side looks like he has a bigger bosom!"

(And Constantine?)

"The Bible's book's were decided one hundred years before Constantine's time. And Christianty being the official religion? Excuse me. It was only _legalized_, because before then, the Romans were finding new ways to torture and execute Christians. Forget this whole war between the Pagans and Christians." R-D shook her head. "Seek The Truth my ass."

(And the Priory of Sion?)

"It was started in 1957, not 1014. Any documents saying so have been proven false by hundreds of historical researchers."

The movie was only halfway through before R-D was drooling.

(I thought you were against Dan Brown and his false theories.)

"It's not that. I still think he should be here with us watching this crap he plagiarized," R-D said and licked her lips. "It's just…he's so hot!"

(Who? Langdon? Gross, he's even nastier then Iniss and I didn't think that was possible after that ultimate sit-up business,) I said.

"No, no, not him. He's a prick." She gestured at the next scene in the church with the Roseline. "HIM! Silas! The albino, isn't he just..._um, um, um_."

(You have got to be kidding me. He's insane and screwy in the head.) Wait, what was I saying? That made them perfecto for each other!

"So are you and you're cute, as a Yeerk or Andalite. Can we get an albino?"

_**Door 2: Human Hatred!**_

We stepped lightly back into the hall, still just a _leeettle _sickened by "Streetfighter," "Waterworld," and the remake of "The Omen". The images wouldn't leave my head… Such horrible plots, horrible characters… Thank Jesus we didn't see Fantastic Four.

"Maybe it's not worth it, our own bodies and lives I mean," R-D said and grimaced.

(Oh come on, it won't be that bad,) I assured, though my intestines were gurgling louding in discomfort.

"Okay, then you open the door," R-D said, as the yellow door appeared on the side wall while the lavender one disappeared.

I reached out for one of the monster morphs in my DNA fountain and twisted open the doorknob, all three hearts throbbing in a mad race to leap out of my chest.

Please tell me this part of the anti-existence would end soon…

See, I recognized the black walls in the large waiting room-like place, with one long white bench in the middle, where Ellie and Iniss sat patiently as if waiting. An Iniss with buck teeth and colorful thinking hat that is, as well as the transparent red bottle.

"Isn't this…" R-D began, but I guess she knew. It was that damn dream again!

Iniss ran over and wrapped his arms around my upper torso, crying pitifully. "Please, please, help me, Visser Three. I can't fill my bottle! I need the water!"

(What's so important about…?) But just as I was about to finish that question, Buck-Toothed Iniss disappated like a cloud of wet fog, his sobbing lasting only a few more seconds.

Ellie ignored that action and stared at us distantly, as if WE were the ones not real in this fake version of limbo. "Like, hello Visser, hello Dragon. He comes for us, Esplin. He comes with tiger grace and teeth and power, ready to snatch her away for the gorilla. Rip her from the head and starve her. Help her, Visser Three!"

I raised an eyebrow at R-D. (Okay, at least in the dream, she's sane.)

R-D blushed. "My bad. I think my influence is melting into this place, as well as your thoughts. I always thought she'd make a cool Drusilla-version Yeerk."

Ellie rose from the seat and did a pirouette, smiling eerily at us. "He comes with big teeth and jaws, crunching you Visser. He and the Blue Deer."

(Who and who?) I asked.

Ellie came over to me and sank to her knees, playing with the hem of the black--I know, no PINK!--dress. "The Tiger, and his companions. They come and munch your flesh, munchy, munchy, munchy. Come and crunch your bones, crunchy, crunchy, crunchy."

I shivered and stepped back from my lunatic intern. (Ellie, maybe you should lie down, you know? Take a nap and a few--okay, a LOT--of pills?)

"But the Tiger will get me too, and poke out my heart, feasting on it. He wants his brother back, the other Tiger." Ellie scrambled to her feet and spun and danced in an insane display. "The cat comes at night, joins in the fight, filled with spite, and kills you with his might! Mean, mean kitty!"

R-D shook her head. "Maybe I should lay off the sumac."

Out of nowhere--well, I guess that goes without saying--Iniss returned, with a blobbish figure. Norm. Iniss continued crying and pointed wildly at me accusingly. "He can't, he won't find the water for my bottle. Why won't he?"

Norm stared at us, in a…SHOOT ME! He was in that damn Speedo! YAH! "Norm sorry, Norm not know Visser here." He pointed at Iniss and Ellie. "These two not have their meds yet."

"What about you?" R-D sighed.

"Norm not understand. Norm like this all the time."

(No kidding,) I muttered.

Now Ellie danced like a little gypsy for R-D. "Risika, Risika, tell us the truth, save us and our youth. Save us from the bloody tide, tell us where the Andalites hide." She grinned playfully and spider legged her fingers up R-D's leg. "You know them, you see them, tell us, tell us! The Tiger's getting closer, the Blue Deer sharpens his blade. They slice time, they mend it, they bend it. With sharp teeth, sharp blade."

R-D started backing away. She was crazy, insane, and freakin' weird, as I would have expected this behavior from _her_, but she knew when enough was enough.

A loud giggling erupted from nowhere and R-D and I sent questioning looks at each other. The threesome in front of us disappeared, Iniss crying, Norm staring stupidly around, and Ellie laughing hysterically, replaced by three figures in the back of the room holding a sign saying, "I LOVE CLOSET FAN!"

(What the HECH DOES THAT _mean_?) I cried.

R-D giggled but stopped when I threw her a menacing glare. "Nothing, nothing. It's this new, er, closet cleaner spray that works with a fan. That's all." She gestured to the people in the back. "That's Sinister Shadow (Sin), Darth Vader es cool (Darth) and Voodooqueen125 (Voo)."

(Were all your parents retarded when they named you?) I asked, before the mass of Sin, Darth, and Voo surrounded me. A line of sweat ran down the side of my face, as I raised my tail in alarm.

"Oh my God, I love you!" Voo cried.

"WHY THE FRICK ISN'T BOB HERE!" Darth bellowed.

Sin pushed R-D to the side. "You dapsen, why the heck was Ellie insane? And Iniss? Well, actually, I have nothing to say there, but…"

R-D shrugged. "My story, my rules."

"You already have The Demons. You should at least keep her in character--"

Their argument lasted until I understood a little about "The Demons." I poked R-D and Sin in the shoulders, and asked, (Hey, what happens to me in the end?)

R-D pursed her lips in thought. "I think you go insane or die. Probably get killed by Aximili…why are you looking at me like that?"

_Five seconds later…_

"I'm sorry! AAAHHH! I promise to at least give you your own--OW!" R-D barely managed to duck a swing for her head. "I won't--HAHAHAH!"

_Three seconds later…_

"_DIE!"_

I run full-out away from the girl who'd somehow found a baseball bat--don't ask me how. (Put it down! You're going to hurt somebody!)

"Yah…you!" R-D quipped.

"Jerry! Jerry!" Darth and Voo cried.

_**Door 3: Panic Scenario!**_

Finally, the three fans got sick and tired of our fighting, and practically shoved us out of the door. We stumbled, movements slow and unfocused, as we ducked and swung blows with tail blade and bat. R-D tricked over a snag in the white rug and fell face first, panting.

(OH YEAH! I WIIIIN!)

"Well, you know what?" R-D panted. "Your momma's so fat, that when she sucks up her Kandrona, the other Yeerks--hold up, what's going on?"

The yellow door disintegrated, and was replaced by not one, but TWO red doors. One had in flowery script RISIKA-DRAGON written on it, while the other stated in italics ESPLIN NINE-FOUR-SIX-SIX.

(Two doors?) I asked skeptically.

R-D giggled. "Don't worry, we'll find each other. Besides, due to the telepathic theories of some, we might even be able to watch each other's tests. Interesting, no?"

(No,) I muttered, pressing my finger against her door and a thin line of smoke rose as it scorched my finger. (Guess we can't cheat on these.)

"Nope," R-D said, before entering hers, waving good luck to me before her door sealed back into the wall.

She was right. As she passed through, through her eyes, I saw the scene. At first, all I could make out were hazy, in descript smoke, with wild figures dancing within it in a massive mosh pit. Loud headbanger music vibrated the thickened air.

The shit-smelling fog cleared enough for R-D to make out her adversities. They were more dangerous than a pack of hungry Taxxons, than a battalion of well prepared Hork-Bajir, than my most fearsome alien morphs, than a half-naked, horny Iniss. They were like cockroaches, able to take in many poisons immune and still live in human society. They were…

HIPPIES!

"Why me?" R-D moaned. She coughed on the smoke and turned around to realize the crimson door was gone. "DAMMIT!" Hippies danced insanely around her, as the bat fell from her weakened hand. "Where's Buffy the Crackpot Slayer when you...need…haa--" She fell to the ground, gasping on the nasty fumes. "Air...I need…"

----

I shivered as the thread of thought melted away and I stood in front of my own portal to insanity. Taking a deep breath, I entered into my own panic filled destination.

How could I ever explain it? It was horrible beyond words. It was like some human bar, but a THOUSAND times worse. Black lights were strewn across the ceiling and men stood at tables with poles affixed in the middle, dealing out wads of cash. Strippers, human females and males and all the in-between, danced disgustingly on the tables.

A pair of men dirty danced and some Drag Queens kissed.

(EW!)

An almost beautiful, long black haired sexy woman leaped onto a chair and flipped up her mini skirt to reveal…she wasn't exactly a woman.

(EEEWWWW!)

Some nineteen-year-old girl belted out Jessica Simpson lyrics.

(NO! NO! Serenity, NOOOW!) I curled up on the floor, afraid to go anywhere in this horrible stand of hell. (Heaven, stars above help me!)

One Drag Queen with hickies and bruises on her face and, um, downwards place strutted over to me and slapped my rump. GROSS! "Hey, hottie, you a part of the donkey show?"

(The what?) I asked. (Who are you?)

She smirked. "You can call me…Yasmine…"

She licked her lips.

_**Door 4: Personal Terror!**_

R-D regained consciences and managed to knock the thrity-year-old hippie off her. She picked up her bat and swung it at him, breaking bones and tendons.

"Get away from me you filthy piece of pot trash!" R-D ran as fast as she could, blockaded by air headed morons and gasping once more for wonderful air. An emerald door showed up in her path. "About time you assholes!"

Now, she found herself once more in a white room, with no windows or doors leading in or out. There was a body in front of her, surrounded in a pool of blood. She moaned an animal sound and found her right leg chained to the floor, yanking until she FINALLY realized puny human strength wasn't going to cut it.

"Why don't they ever come with manuals to this spirit world stuff?" R-D mumbled. She studied her surroundings. "Why am I thinking gay ass plot? I feel like I should recognize this place."

A taco and a Maibock beer appeared just out of her reach.

R-D tried to reach forward and brushed up against something. She looked down at the jagged edged, rusty saw at her feet.

R-D groaned. "Reeeeeal original."

The body rose stiffly from the ground, wiping the blood from his torso.

"SOOO saw THAT coming." Guess who?

The man grinned smugly at her. "There's only one way to do it. You could just wait for the door to appear."

R-D looked from the saw to her ankle to the taco and beer. "It's not worth it…but I am hun--no, not worth it!" She bit her lip. "But…"

She picked up the saw.

------

The jade door came to me and I nearly wept with joy, trying to ignore the grunting and groaning underneath me, and finding the strength to destroy the tethers bounding me to the floor. I went through the door--

And found myself back at the Earth stationed YEERK POOL! I could practically hear the almost nonexistent sound of the Kandrona that only a Yeerk can hear sing to me like a long awaited lover. Even the wailing of hosts was music to my ears.

(YES! I'm BAAAACCKK!) I cried out, but no one seemed to notice. A Hork-Bajir stepped passed me and I turned to him. (Hellooo? Hey you, big, dumb, and ugly, how about a little respect for your Visser, or I'll--EK!) My hand passed through his shoulder when I tried to turn him around. (What's going on?)

"Good to see you, Visser Three," the Hork-Bajir said. "Congrats on the promotion."

_Huh?_

A human-Controller, who's host I recognized as Tom Berenson, nodded his head curtly. "The old Visser was a complete moron, I mean, with the right resources, any dapsen could've figured out that the Andalite Bandits are--did you feel that?"

"Feel what?"

I couldn't believe my ears as I lashed out my tail blade, which only passed through Tom, unable to make true contact and decapitate him.

"A sudden chill or something," Tom said. "Never mind. But as I was saying, I found it interesting that the leader of their little band is actually--"

(WHY WON'T YOU DIE, DAMMIT!)

_**Door 5: Debt Decisions!**_

"I CAN'T believe IT!" the formerly dead body guy muttered. "You ker-raazeey bitch!"

"Believe it," R-D crowed, limping on her bloody right stump towards her prize. "This should prove that Homo sapiens don't give up that easily." She stumbled and cried out in pain as she fell her right side, inches from the taco and beer. "Maybe I should have thought this through. This hurts!"

A black door came into focus. Come to me…

"In a minute!" R-D reached for her food and beverage. "Almost there…"

The door opened by itself and drew her towards it.

"NOOO!"

She reemerged in a room full of abstract mirrors and eyes dotting the frames. Don't ask me about it! I don't know what the heck was going on. A guy with scaly red skin and a whipping barbed tail grinned amused at R-D, wearing oversized clothes, silver chains, and gold on his grills.

R-D shook her head, blinking away blood loss dizziness. "Yo, Snoop."

"I ain't no Snoop, I be Leemon, yer own inner demon," the man said. He twisted his middle- and ring-fingers together and held out his left hand to R-D. "West Side."

"So I guess if you're my demon, I shouldn't trust you," R-D drawled.

Leemon waved his hand and R-D's foot reappeared, and a new surge of fresh blood coursed through her. "Yo, I be springin' ya outta this place, so no bitch mouth to my face." A scroll of small paper slipped into his hand. "Sign please."

R-D glared at him. "All I have to do is sign that? Oh gee, I wonder where that paper's from. Maybe from the Devil's Black Book!"

"You from Salem or somethin'?" Leemon asked. "Just sign this and you be outta here for real yo. This aint no black magic or whatever."

"So all I have to do is sign?" R-D asked.

"For rizzles, lil' hizzles."

"Okay, I'll play by those rules." R-D padded her back pockets. "Great, where'd that Sharpie go?" She smiled sweetly and held out her hand. "Could I borrow a pen?"

Leemon shook his head. "No, no, it can't be ink. Don't ya ever think?" He rolled his eyes. "It has to be signed in blood. Have ya ever read the manual?"

R-D backed away. "I'm not signing that then! I know what happens to people who sign shit with their blood." She shoved her hands into her pockets. "I'll end up in a nice, fiery furnace when I really die."

"It takes only a single, small dot of blood." He shook the sheet. "Do you want to go back to Earth for a twenty or so more years? Or would ya rather stare at white walls, clean toilets, and have stale beers?"

R-D shuddered. "Um…"

-----

Blah, blah, blah, the black door came for me this time. Do I have to spell it out for you dapsens? Anyway, I found myself in a torture room kinda place, with Iron Maidens and guillotines and other nice, cool objects, as well as junk I'd seen and often collected across the galaxies. What? Everyone needs a hobby.

A man with black flesh and bat-like wings, standing on a pair of hooves wearing a business suit greeted. "You're Visser Three. Ah, I've been waiting for you for some time." He cleared his throat. "Obviously, I don't care about you, you don't care about me. Now, let's get this over with."

(If it involves blood, I don't care. Have a whole bucket for whatever parties you're having. JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE!)

"Chill, Esplin," the demon purred, smoothing his goatie. "This has nothing to do with you per se. You just have to make a tiny, weeny, little decision." He grinned sharp, lethal canines at me. "Decide whether your best friend or your true love goes to hell. That's all."

(Okay, I see…wait, what!)

Gagged and tied to the ceiling on tables, I saw Councilor Four and Visser One each hanging over trapped doors. Councilor Four stared terrified at the closed door beneath him, while Visser One screamed her lungs out in fury.

HAH! Too easy. Choose between the one person in the whole Yeerk Empire I ACTUALLY got along with, or the Yeerk who half the time beat the shit at me and left my ears ringing with her PMSing screeches. Yet… What was that the demon had just said? I, erm, wasn't paying the MOST attention. What? He sounded like MR. Loud-And-Nasal. A nickname I and Visser One had made…

(What if I decide not to choose?) I asked.

"Then both of them are sent to Satan, while you're back in the spiritual state penitentiary," the demon quickly summoned up. "You have sixty seconds to make your choice."

(There's a time limit? That's not fair!)

"Nooot my problem," he grumbled. "And for that, forty seconds."

(HEY!)

"Fine. Twenty."

I looked from Visser One to Councilor Four. The decision should have sparked instantly in my mind. And yet… And yet… Was there something else behind those hateful, dark eyes Visser One often had with her hosts? Something I had overlooked? I felt as if something were nagging at the back of my head, too small to be read right.

"Five seconds."

I grinded a hoof in the stone floor. (Oh boyo, boyo, boyo.)

"Choose."

----------------------------------------

A white mist poured over me, and my spirit grew light, leaving the room with my choice yet unsaid. I spread my arms, and disappeared into the thick fog…

---------------------------------------

Apparently, Visser One has a good sense of smell. She yawned and rubbed the sleep from her eyes, looking not-so-cute--at least in my opinion--after a nap bouncing in the car. "Where…are…we…?" she asked drowsily.

My mouth was full, so R-D gulped down her Coke, and said, "I think we're in Erie, Pennsylvania. Should be about five or six hours 'til we hit the Big Apple."

Visser One combed her hair through her fingers, trying to look like the planet oppressing Numero Uno Visser she was. "What're you idiots doing?"

I swallowed the tasty chunk of beef and cheese and whatever else they put in a burrito, and said, "Sitting at some fast food restaurant eating take out. What the Seerow does it look like?"

For one long, frozen moment we stared at each other, confused and baffled. Had it really happened? The crash, Purgatory, the Hall of Horrors? My hands gripped the wheel till the knuckles cracked and turned white.

R-D leaned over and said as calmly as possible, "Floor it."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

**So that's all people! I'd like to dedicate this to Darth, Voo and Sin!**

**I was wondering…should it end here? I was thinking of my own Journal idea, called "Visser Three's Memo." What do you guys think?**


End file.
